"Colin Farrell has never been hairier"
"My cat ate his own leg out of fear"

Yes, the new skin crawling, sleep reducing Japanese horror remake has landed:
"The Newspaper". But with a twist. Its a two for one deal. A horror AND a 'let's root for the underdog' style drama.
First off, the horror. Everyone that reads an article on page 6 of the 'Daily Post' about a recent tradegy, has an impending doom happen to them within 12 hours 43 minutes. And their own misfortune is featured in the newspaper the very next day.
Colin Farell is memerizing as the down on his luck ricksaw peddler, who drunkenly (and possibly on Meth) drives through the door of a remote abandoned warehouse, then through 4 stone walls (he was very drunk). He uncovers a room containing a mysterious trunk which itself contains nothing but a sinisterly dusty newspaper from 1904.
Thus he unleahes the curse. From then on his relatives, avid readers of the 'Daily Post', are knocked off in various unsavourary ways: his mother choking on her afternoon scone, his hippie brother impaled by an organic cucumber, his father eaten alive by the very shark he just caught fishing.
Love interest Jessica Alba is typically vacuous, her bony structure barely visible against the murky background lighting. Her role is negligable except for 4 screams and an "its over there". Then she and Colin screw in an alleyway in an unscripted scene, apparently improvised by Farrell, a true master of his art.
Colin increasingly worrying about his own fate and why he hasnt died yet must uncover for himself that he is actually a 4000 year old outerplanetary alien hybrid who holds the succession to a possible new universe. Or save the current one. He chooses the latter because his is lazy. His task is to land a job at 'The Times' and write a front page article warning the world of the impending doom.
From here on the film takes the tone of drama-farce, and completely does away with the horror. In place of ancient curses, mystical happenings and universal strife, Colin now must deal with jealous colleagues, leaking pens and charm his way up the panties of the journalistic ladder of power.
A great expose on the dog eat dog world of journalism, Colin is perfectly cast as vulnerable in his lack of experience, but strong in his determination. By the end of the film we are all rooting for him to succeed, print his article against the company's strict deadline policies, and thus save the world.
The film also stars Samuel L. Jackson as a wise Igloo dweller with insight into the whole problem, and a knack for punctuation, and Mike Tyson as Mr. T.

Batmans Vs The Tinman

After the unprecedented success of 'Aliens vs Chiropractor', not least by John Hurt's Oscar nomination as "Alien on bus #2", studios Hollywood-wide jumped on the chance to make another box office smash. And so comes 'Batmans vs The Tinman'. And they were wrong.

The premise is that the Tinman was promised a heart by Batman so he could love Daisy, a leggy chick he met at happy hour. However, Batman, too busy cloning himself so he could spend more time catching up with his Tivo programming, completely forgot spaced on codeine, and the Tinman eventually lost Daisy to a man from Streatham named Swampthing.
This, the final straw for the unfortunate Tinman who is so upset by the injustice done to him, he greases up his axe and follows the yellow carpet leading right to the front door of his house. Thus starts his quest to find Batman and chop chop chop him up, a lot!

However, Batman has become Batmen (or 'Batmans'). About 55 in fact. Roaming about the new tourist trap (easyjet you see) that is Gotham city. They can be found queuing in Starbucks trying to blag a superhero discount, in Woolworths buying mega-packs of AA batteries, or being bullied by schoolchildren behind sheds.

The use of a man in a tin suit as opposed to a CGI version was a nice if suspiciously cheapskate touch. I like the fact that the Batmans were also in original Adam West tight leotards. A sincere, loveable homage to the originals, which are otherwise shamed by the remainder of the movie.

The rest of the film is straight forward. The Tinman has to fight wave after wave of Batmen in order to get to the original Bruce Wayne. The PG-13 rating reduces the gore to an infuriating minimum. How you cannot show some blood as the Tinman disembowels an enemy is beyond me. The direction from new boy, Angus Deayton is frenetic stylised nonsense. The camera movements are so disorientating one does not know where one is. I found myself in the women's toilet during one particularly action packed scene. The Tinman's axe is his only weapon and becomes tiresome, as does his constant re-oiling at Texaco. And at 5 hours the film is a little long.

The climax between Tinman and Batman is strangely low key. Afternoon tea discussing the pros and cons of superherodom. The fact that the Tinnman isnt a superhero and possesses no extraordinary powers is overlooked in the film. There is a moral to conclude that superheros' must sacrifice in order to do their jobs, and there is no happy ending for the tinman. Merely understanding, enlightenment and inner peace.
The film is out in 5 weeks and is rubbish.

Corsica
The land of rolling hills, Caribbean-esque beaches, untouched woodland trails, old women whose faces look like the aftemarth of an earthquake, and flesh eating Orcs.
Of course my trip was a bit off the beat and path, quite literally. There was no path to where I was staying in a highly remote farm. In exchange for food and accomodation in a cabin, I dug holes for about 5 hours a day. Me having a strange fascination with digging, most definitely from all the gangster films I watched when an infant, I chose this option in lieu of tending to the organic vegetable garden, setting up a solar shower, painting and suchlike. Also smashing into rocks and roots with an axe and mattock made me feel like a man. Just a bit though.
What I saw of Corsica was undeniably beautiful. The mountains were striking, and the beaches really were heavenly even out of season. My travelling was limited by my location, obligations and lack of public transport. I used a bike once which was a huge mistake in the 30 degree heat on roads so winding that you get a movement displacement high. The nearest phone was a 20 minte walk past a sheep farm and through woodland. The village included 1 shop, 6 bars, a pharmacy, and post office.
The drawbacks were that the notoriously unfriendly Corsicans were notoriously unfriendly. Passing some bars was scary. Even my oozing charm failed to bring a smile to a pregnant barmaid. Corsica is one of the only conutries without a Macdonald's. This is because if one is installed it will be blown up, quite simply. The nationalists in Corsica are so extreme they don't even like themselves. All roadsigns are in both French and the equivalent Corsican dialect. Many of the French signs are graffitied out. I hear that bombs going off in official places is not uncommon.
I did have a brief peak at the more touristy part on picking up 2 couples from Manchester on the way back to the airport. Even the heavier touristy places are tasteful and pretty. Corsica hasn't been tapped quite yet, unless the Manchunians get wind of it. Prices where apparently very high however according to my fellow holidaymakers, but that's what you get if you order rare animal dishes at 5 star hotels next to the sea.
Anyway, if you can find a cheap flight buy it, hire a car, try not to get in a crash, get a tan and see it before it turns into Times Square.