A run down of what you are REALLY getting!!!!!

VITAMIN K - Made up by Dick Cheney in an early money making scam when aged only 4 years. His roadside confectionary stall read "My Kakes have vitamin K". He later went to school. Even later still mining the Vitamin K thing, he founded the KKK, which rapidly turned from the selling of cakes to hatemongering and recruitment of the personality impaired. He is now very adept at locking and loading double barrel shotguns and taking steps to ruin the world, armed with a slew of plastic K's and a clone army of Kato from "The Pink Panther".

VITAMIN C - Founded, named and patented by megolomanical Francois Camembert and his dog Camembert. Thought to make you feel good and turn you orange. Or is it turn you orange which makes you feel good. Ask a girl from Bromley.

VITAMIN B12 - Founded by a team of stoner scientists who recognised its relaxing properties. The team of 13 all wanted their stamp on the name hence the 12. Number 13 was too out of it of 4000mg of the good stuff to care.

VITAMIN E - Popularized by early 90's rave culture. People thought it made them happy, but it was the potent antioxidant that made them literally glow.

BORON - Mineral originally founded by Ming the Merciless in a dire Flash Gordon Spinoff: "Flash gets a Haircut, Manicure and Skips out on the Bill". It was then actually found on earth by Bert from Seasame Street. Claims vary from pectoral enlargement to jetpowered wingflapping abilities. No one has been bothered to research either.

ZINC - Like pot only faster. The forebearer of the Ganja Crew and Drum'n'Bass legend DJ Zinc. Muse behind such seminal tracks as '138 Trek', 'Creeper' and 'Ska'

OAK - This is a tree.

IODINE - Often found in a glass container next to the Amyl Nitrate in Chemistry class. Forrest Gump: "Mamma said drinking iod-dine is fi-ine". Explains alot.

SAUERKRAUT - Technically not a vitamin or mineral but definitely contains something. Personally, effects of euphoria, fat loss, libido enhancement, improved complexion can be seen within minutes. I am so convinced of this product you can buy it at www.makemeeasymoneyyoudamnfools.org.ac.spacetravel.uk