SEDGEWICK AND THE ANGRY GRINCH

There was Sedgewick, that's to say Boris, and we were making up our minds what to do with the evening. I was in Harrods which sold butterscotch, perfumes and carpets. Harrods is owned by a multi m/billionaire, not surprisingly, so i decided to go ask him for the money i needed to pay off the postman next tuesday. The postman was a sort of door to door mobster, so when he said i know where you live, he really did. And i owed him 1500 dollars in back payment accrued over the course of 3 months when i was holidaying in florence and stupidly forgot to freeze my account. Orwell, the postman, was quite a likable chap. always brought us christmas cards when it was christmas, and sometimes fed our cats when we were away. By 'we' I mean me, cos I live alone and have done so since i was 3, when my parents decided I was old enough to take care of myself. Fortunately, I was a very good cook, and so had little trouble keeping myself nourished until i was 11 and had to go to school.
School was hard. Quite literally. My school was made out of lead, on account of the ex ex ex principal who decided that lead was a more chemically viable element than, let's say cement, to make big things out of. Apparently, he knocked down his house and rebuilt it out of lead with his own hands four years later. but then maybe it was just idle gossip. For there was a lot of such rumors circulating the darkened hallways of Chastity elementary, partly because we could never find the way out of the labyrinth style set up, and had nothing else to do.
One suggestion for the night was an evening paraglide over the local lake 'Utopia'. But i was afraid of heights and Frank was afraid of lakes. I suggested going to the local pub to drink 7 glasses of cabernet in under 4 minutes each, but Frank said that would remind him too much of lakes. So we we unanimously decided to go knocking on people's houses door to door until bedtime.
it was about 46 degrees out so we dressed in blue heavy raincoats. then we went to Macaroon Street to see what was going on inside number 93. The lady who answered was quite sweet, about 99 years old and was eating pizza. She said "yes". So i said "correct", and then we talked about pigeons and jesus for a hour.
Houses 94-98 didn't answer. It was already 9:50 and frank had to be up early for pilates at 7 the next morning, so we had to hurry and wrap things up. Number 99. knock, knock. "who's there?" "Hamish, Frank and Sedgewick" i said . "Oh ok"
The door opened "who are you?" a man who looked exactly like the grinch said. Frank was dumbfounded by the green coarse texture of the skin. I with the red and white hat. "well come in then" he snapped and led us into his house which looked more like a lair. There was sawdust and cotton wool everywhere which was weird because the two usually don't go together. Not like eggs and beans, or rum and coke. "I'm Henry" the grinch said from behind a wall which i think was the kitchen. He bought out four cups and then a big pot of green coloured beer. "I dyed this for halloween" he said "but i have tonnes left over". So me and hamish ( not frank ) had some dyed green Sam Adams light and made ourselves comfortable against a giant egg shaped cushion. The grinch didn't say much as we sipped our drinks. It tasted good, only he was staring at us a lot from his velvet covered rocking chair. "So, Henry" I asked, "ever been paragliding over 'Utopia' The grinch didn't flinch and Hamish gave me a pinch. He looked at me with an expression that either said "i think this grinch is weird and i want to leave" or "i need the bathroom, can you ask where it is?" "Excuse me, do you have a bathroom we could use" The grinch swooped up and out of his chair, his robe swishing like a cape. we followed him through the clouded corridor from afar. Without looking back to check on us he pulled open a large black and white door and headed down into the seedy darkness below. Our brains told us to leave, but our bladders told us otherwise, so we followed hesitantly. We had been walking through this tunnel for about 5 minutes which then opened up into a cave. Frank thought he saw a bat. No natural light penetrated, except the candle the grinch was leading with, with softly lit up the cave. Frank heard a growl. I felt a liquid like substance drop onto my right ear. Hamish saw fleeting shadows. But the grinch persisted further and further into to enormous cave not hesitating once as he did so. 10 yards later he stopped dead. hamish bumped into me as i halted. The grinch slowly turned his head around, and with his right arm pointed out to the left. "There you go, he chirped. you might have to pump the flush a bit to make it work." And so we had reached the bathroom, as the printed word "Bathroom" on the door said. Hamish really needed to go and went in first followed by frank, who came out with a big smile. They started chatting to the grinch about the Giants' game two weeks ago, as i went into the bathroom, which was mild pink, very clean and shiny, with chrome faucets and handles, some complimentary toiletries for guests, and a Moose Crossing road sign. What a lovely bathroom i thought as i relieved myself.